I have a bubble in my belly

So i guess its real enough that i can begin to write about it now without some of the worry that i'll be visiting these posts in despair. (always the eternal optimist)

Today I'm officially 16w 3d pregnant!

Whoo hoo. Last night i was laying on my belly watching tv and for the first time it didn't just totally squish under me. For a moment i was like what the heck is under me, do i have a knot in my belly...nooooo its a BABY! :)

Of course that pic was taken at 8 weeks so baby is about the size of a grapefruit now. (and yes they tell me the head is in normal proportion) Technically we have our 'big' ultrasound in a few weeks, but we won't be finding anything out, soo hopefully it will be quick and as pain free as possible for baby. No need to linger any longer then normal once we check out those heart chambers.

Still feel great which is absolutely awesome. NO SICKNESS. I do get heartburn when i get hungry, but that's beyond manageable.

My obsession lately has been baby bedding. I'm thinking of making my own, but in my search for bumble bee appliques, I found another bedding set that i really really like. Hmmmm.

My So-Called (grown-up) Life

Of late, i've become a rather angry being. Yet another co-worker has move onto something bigger and better, while I waste away my days here trying (unsuccessfully) to sell our condo, get prego (also unsuccessful), and get smaller thights (you guessed - unsuccessful). What i have managed to do is accumulate an awful lot of hatred.

For example. This weekend peter goes to visit his kids. And although i far from hate them - i hate that he has to leave me to go see them. While he's away I'll be visiting with my mom and sister who just flew into town. And while on their own i love each individually, the combined entity makes my spine tingle.

My sister's cool. I'm type A - and she's cool. Always has been always will. I ask her what she's doing later on and she replies - ohhhh i dont know. Maybe this, maybe that. Ask me what i'm doing later on and its

'well first i have to empty the dishwasher, then switch the laundry, then make dinner, after dinner we'll go to home depot cause our toilet is leaking (AGAIN) then we'll come home and clean up a little cause the open-house is this weekend, hopefully get to watch 30-days, read my book for bookclub, finish the work i didn't do today cause i was busy blogging then try and muster up some sex appeal to make that baby you are all so damn interested in knowing when we're finally going to get around trying for.

So this weekend, I'll get to engage in tri-athelete competitions between my ever-spry 'cool' sister and my i-don't-look-almost-60-do-i mom. When what i really feel like doing is drinking heavily and getting my nails done.

Hi, I'm Jenn and I like weekends away with my honey

Ok maybe it doesn't even need to be weekends anymore. Thanks to this glorious (please note the alluring alliteration to torturous) job i have. Working from home may be a disaster for my social life. It may give me more cancer cells from the sun than you in a cube farm, but, but BUT i woke up this morning at 4am and drove to NYC with my man. I'm working on Madison Ave today and tonight we're going to the Blue Water Grill for dinner. Tomorrow i might try and find a wireless signal from somewhere in central park.

Ohhh h h h and on the menu tonight...crispy point Judith calamari :) hee hee hee

am i nuts? (part duex)

Personally I think I’m more obsessed with being called obsessed than I actually am obsessed.

am i nuts?

Do i really want to give this up?
Pro's
House w/Yard

Con's
J.O.B.

neighborhood bully

Lately, Miss Willoughby Newton has had free roam around our complex. Its been beautiful ourside and though we don't encourage it - when she runs out...whats a girl to do. Lately she seems to get a thrill out of going outside for 5 minutes, just to end up back on our porch under the chairs.

So today - peter and I hear terrorizing cat fight screams. Peter jumps up to inspect as we're sure its our cat and low and behold ~ It is. Only she's not really fighting with anything in particular. Just a cat ~ behind a window ~ who's looking back at her like she's a mo-ron.

Like father like daughter. Happy Fathers day!!!

P.s. it was negative.

Dear Diary 6/6/06

240lbs (morning weight)

Well don't I feel like miss Bridget Jones. Smoking units=none (damn fabulous)

Anyhoo - not much going on in the world. For the past 3 days i've acutally managed to get my ass up and to the gym. Not only that, but i've had what i consider successful workouts with each stop. I've got the 180 goal by Aug 29 and peter and i are hedging our bets. Granted this works out to about 5 lbs a week...but i figure if those folks on the biggest loser can do it - then damn it -- so can I.

The rest of this week will be torture though ~ I have training classes out in Bethesda md W-F. But i've got friends and the thought of gaining 30 more lbs scares the SHIIIIIITTTTT out of me.

Wish me luck!
~j

Dear Diary 6/4/06

June 4, 2006 – Sunday
243lbs

This past weekend was the BEST. It’s now Sunday night. It all began Thursday. Thursday morning we woke up and enjoyed the morning. As peter had a 530 flight to NYC for work – he had to leave his lady happy. Well, due to weather in NYC the flight was delayed, the flight was canceled (as were the next 3 of the evening). He finally returned from the airport around 2am and proceeded to try and drive to NYC. He got as far as Baltimore before realizing he was tired and it was just plain stupid. So he came home. Friday we worked at home (as usual these days) and had a date night to see the DaVinci Code. Personally I liked. It wasn’t ground-breaking earth-shattering, but it was good. On our way home we realized that our 4 year I-Met-You anniversary was the previous day. Being the wonderful husband that he is – we stopped by the grocery for some sparkling wine, strawberries, cream and shortbread.

Saturday we ran errands, cleaned house and just enjoyed the day. Peter asked me to go to a surprise dinner so after I got my nails did – I came home got pretty and we were off. I didn’t know the destination, but as we passed Dupont and headed up 18th I gave it my best and guessed we were going to our favorite Ethiopian restaurant. Also the site of our first dinner date in D.C. Dinner was as always amazing! Afterwards, we walked the streets of Adams Morgan. I got some great cherry smokes, peter a cigar and we roamed ~ right into a Turkish coffee shop. Peter indulged me with peach shisha and we got our coffee fix. Finally around 12 we headed back to the burbs where once again we ended the night in such ecstasy even the gods would be jealous.

Finally Sunday we kinda retuned back to normal. Again we rand errands, went to church and hung out. We also attended the worlds most difficult yoga class I have ever experienced. I don’t think it helped that we did 20 minutes of cardio before the class either, but hey – what are you gonna do?

Ok sidebar – what I really wanted to write, but didn’t. This entire weekend – the pinnacle being yesterday (the 3rd) was my most fertile day. Thus after this weekend, some major changes could be afoot. Excited YES, nervous MORE!!! I think it would be so much more digestible if we weren’t trying to move and I didn’t think that I’d have to find a new job soon as well. Ok – said it…now I just have to wait 2 weeks. Wonder how I’ll cope.

Dear Mom ~ you drive me nuts!

Ok - i'm a big girl. Techincally i'm obese ~ ohhhh. I know this, my husband knows it and anyone who sees me walking down the street knows it.

Harping on the subject and having back-door conversations with my husband and friends will not change the issue until I want to change. And frankly I'm not soo disguested with myself as you are with me. Yes - it would be fun to go into a store and pick a size 10 off the rack and walk out in it - but I can't and thats ok. I like anyone have bad days / fat days and good days too. Why do you dismiss those?

Between my husband and I - i can't imagine a less supportive family network. And we want to move back home to be around these people more...are we stupid?!?!

I'm often over-outspoken but i keep so much to myself - out of respect for you I don't mention that I think your so damn vain it makes me sick. And that your cashing in your retirement at 50 was the dumbest thing i've ever seen anyone do - that your condescending relationship with your older sister makes me want to puke. I do not mention these things out of respect and cause its none of my damn business - why the HE#% don't i deserve the same?

a world / weekend away

I have the greatest life.

Friday a few friends and I worked from one's home. Drank pina coloda's and berry martini's. Had thai for dinner and lounged at the Laughing Lizard. One of our FAV bands was playing. http://www.mesmers.com/ The fact that this also happens to be my husbands band is purely coincidental.

Saturday we wake around 11 and drag our old behind out of bed. What once was a bounce and rebound from a night of drinking, now honestly takes some coercion to even open ones eyes. Alas, we managed.

Peter played on the net for a few minutes. I presumed he was checking his e-mail and gasp - working on a weekend. Thankfully not though as he found not only a glassblowing fair, but a Victorian fair all about 3 hours south of us. Within an hour my superman and i were on the road. We had a great weekend - bought some cool souvenirs AND saw a bed race. Rather self descriptive ~ don't ya think.

Hi, I'm Jenn and I like weekends away with my honey!

trapped

Occasionally around 5pm on days i work from home i get a bug. The cleaning bug. Typically this happens when the dust bunnies are just about large enough to name. Alas Peter and i have been talking and talking about doing something at night. We’ve fallen into this horrible TV trap. So as i vacuum, Peter is anxious to get out and do something. Finally i finish, then like the call of the wild we figure its dinner time. We eat, then i suggest we head out for a nice walk or something. Nope – he’s tired now. So then guess what we do??? Carnal lovin? - Nope we watch tv and fall asleep.

Anyone else?

dieting for the rest of us

So those of you that know me know that i'm dying to get rid of these extra 80 lbs that just will not go away. I however have NOOO control.

Yesterday - south beach perfect (ok minus the twizzlers)

Today - matza w/cream cheese, but that was gross - so i swapped (ok didn't swap, but moved on to) matza w/pb&j. Much better, but it still didn't do it. So then i needed something fancy. How about 6 mini appretizer quiches in the freezer. Cool. Oh and of course a twizzler. THATS BREAKFAST! Lord, I have got to get a grip.

single again

I'm big into procrastinating. Its now 8:55 and i shoooould be working. I however just spent the last 10 minutes debating the title of this post. Should it be single again / or what not to do? Does it really make a difference? Nope, not at all. And that is beautiful!

See currently my wonderful husband is away for work. And what really sucks is that he returns in just enough time to leave me again to visit his kids. UGG. This however has drastic consequences for me. I have not had a real meal since he left. Now we both cook on a regular basis, and yes, I share some of the responsibility, but i like my motivation to work. I have no motivation to cook. I've totally given up my diet for convenience. And can't remember the last time I had a fresh vegetable. Worst part is...instead of getting UP and making something. I'll prob spend the next 30-45 minutes figuring out a way to avoid just this scenario.

Day 3 and 3 more to go.

my first love

My mom reminded me this weekend that easter has allllllllllways been my favorite holiday. In my opinion how can ANYTHING be better...you dress up (if your lucky without tights), get to wear a hat and maybe gloves. Are given candy all day and then the cherry on the pie -- PEEPS!

Weekends

Ever notice how weekends take on a life of themselves?

Wouldn't it be the best-est if you could identify yourself by what you do during the weekend, rather than what you pretend to do all week.

i.e. Hi my name is jenn and i'm a napper, this is peter my husband. He's a hiker.

Isnt that soooo much better than:

i.e. Hi my name is jenn and i'm a programmer and this is my husband peter, a recruiter.

Which one of these tells you more about who we are???

NYC

Recently I had to travel to NYC to work for a few days. Luckily my husband has the great advantage of working from home(...read, wherever he wants.)

We spent the weekend with his family. Honorable mentions of the dreadful ex and the kids and their god-like status were thankfully kept to a minimum. My only question to the general public is - what is wrong with silence? Why must some people fill it with the most inane commentary? And FURTHERMORE, why bitch? Didn't your mother teach you "if you don't have something nice to say then don't say anything at all"? Or how about my favorite bathroom wallpaper adage "how are you is a greeting, not a question - don't tell guests about your indigestion". Honestly if i took this crew at face value for their conversations they would all be in jeopardy of being committed and on suicide watch. This however is normal. A norm, I hope to NEVER endorse, engage in or accept.

But then the goods time began. Sun afternoon we arrived at our swankified Times Square hotel. Monday I took the train to Newark (you didn't think that i actually got to work on a gov't contract in manhattan did you?!?!) We celebrated with dinner at l'ecole (french culinary institute). It was incredible! I consider peter quite the wine snob, but let me tell you ~ we have a thing to learn. For the most part, we choose wines that go nicely with dinner. These catapulted the meal into a whole new realm of fantastic! Then to top the night off we saw Jacques Pepin as he was leaving. Our first NYC celeb sighting. Ok, perhaps he's not as popular as Katie's alien baby, but when your a chubby girl who loves to cook, he's a GOD!

Tues work was the same miserable beast. However instead of a dinner focus ~ I was going to the gershwin theater to try and win tickets to WICKED. OMG I WON! Ironically we almost didn't get to go as peter forgot to mention that minor detail paying for the tickets with CASH. H-E-L-L-O i don't normally carry more then the change in our sofa at the bottom of my purse. And that’s assuming that i haven't changed purses within the last 24 hours, which in itself is highly unlikely. Well by some grace of god there was a women there who understood purses and when i offered her mine in exchange for $25, she laughed and said 'honey your good for it' and gave me the cash. Someone just gave me $25 in cash in NYC!

I spent the entire first act with tears streaming down my face from shear excitement. It was amazing. The stage, the costumes, the voices.

I was spellbound

obsessions

Ever get something in your head that you just can't get out. Set you mind on something you want to do and can't focus on anything else.

Peter and I are there. I guess you could group everything into 1 category 'yuppie-dom', but i prefer to think of each entity seperately, and alone. Makes me feel less selfish and guilty.

1. A new car - done! We've been talking and talking for months and months. The plan was to wait until this summer and buy get something then. However wouldn't you know it - this Explorer LEASE deal came along that seemed too good to be true. Well it pretty much was an awesome deal, so we have accomplished 1 out of 3.

2. A HOUSE. Note that i did not say a home. We have a lovely home. My mom has the greatest pillow that says "home is where your honey is." We couldn't agree more. But screw that - we want a HOUSE. A backyard, a porch, stairs, somewhere to grow herbs and veggies and flowers, a lawn to cut. We want it all, and we want it NOW.

3. A baby. Now some of us are more anxious than others. Well thats not entirely true, but it typically feels that way. One of us was more anxious 6 months ago, and now the tables have turned. Either way - this too falls in this category of things we don't have that we obsesss over on a daily basis.

4. My personal obsession...a new job / career / paying focus on life. Daily i am frustrated for what a moron the people I work with think I am. Why can't they just understand that i no longer care...appathay is so much different for crap work, than the incapacity to do it! H.e.l.l.o! The problem is -i really don't have to work that hard on a regular basis. I get to work from home a lot, and on the road. So through interviewing, i've learned that i am quite spoiled. Which doesn't help when your at a cross-roads and want to make a change. Bummer

say what?

So this past Wednesday after too far of a drive, to dine at a restaurant that no longer exists. Some co-workers and I settled on a regular Chinese place. I opted out of crispy beef for healthier shrimp lettuce wraps. Little did I know that they were magic lettuce wraps, capable of making me loose 10 lbs in 2 days.

Come 6pm that night i began booting in the porcelain pot. Ironically, as I was doing so my dear husband was eating my lunch left overs. Why neither of us educated and well employed individuals thought this might be a bad idea, is beyond me. 3 hours later, he's utilizing the other full bath. Thank the lord we opted for the 2 bathroom condo. New home-owners beware. For reasons i will not get into 1 and 1/2 bath would not have been enough. Those of you that have had bad bout of food poisoning know what I’m talking about and that should be enough said.

Needless to say the 24 hour rule pretty much held true. At the 25th hour bodily fluids were again under my control. I didn't feel good by any means until 1 day later, but the whole control issue is nice.

That brings us to today. We split and apple and some ride pudding for breakfast. By lunch we were feeling good enough for....McDonalds. (please refer to paragraph 2, sent 3)

Book Club - Time Travelers Wife

I love, LOVE LOVE to read. Always have, hope I always will. For the past few years I have been reading away. Some good, most horrible. Then it hit me. Everyone has at least 3 unforgetable books that they love...why not spam 'em and collect them. So i did and my horrible book days are now over. However shortly after, I then longed to discuss them. I loved lit classes in school and though peter and I try and share a book or two, we always read one after the other and have yet, to suck it up and purchase 2 of the same book. Its just seems silly...but i guess the argument could then be make for librarys...i digress.

Suburban me created a book club. Of people from work, a friend of a friend and strangers from the net. We've only met once, but I really enjoy reading with purpose again.

This month we chose 'Time Travelers Wife' by Audrey Niffenegger. Its good. I won't say its great, but at times I do laugh out loud and my heart soars and sinks with the characters. Great to me makes me want to change my world. Virgin Blue - i spent days searching for villa's in Provance, Like Water for Chocolate - I began to write my memoirs and dream of family recipes to include. (That was until I realized that those same family recipies topped off at burnt toast and butter.)

Alas, my own little question and answer section...
1. In The Time Traveler's Wife , the characters meet each other at various times during their lifetime. How does the author keep all the timelines in order and "on time"?

I like the way AN keeps up processing though the here and now...for the most part the story is told by clare's timeline. Having some sort of constant is needed in such a confusing story line. I can appreciate how difficult this must have been to weave. For the book is like a treasure map. You learn as you go, sometimes having to return and take a few steps back, but in the end, you knew what you were going to get, but somehow...it seems like more now.


2. Although Henry does the time traveling, Clare is equally impacted. How does she cope with his journeys and does she ultimately accept them?

I think clares acceptance is similar to that of most women today. I and my husband travel for work on a regular basis and he more often to visit his children. Though neither of us have returned battered phyisically, the emotial flux of being apart without the ability to return to the arms that love you can be quite painful. In addition, the battering that is done on the soul, while apart for what ever reason is painful when faced with it on your own. By not being able to convey the thoughts / feelings of the days missed and the consequesnces of the actions taken while away, I in part feel like I have time traveled over a portion of our lives which can never be returned to me.


3. How does the writer introduce the reader to the concept of time travel as a realistic occurrence? Does she succeed?

I can appreciated AN attempt at making the concept of time travel realistic, however for me...it was unecessary and kinda silly. With her writing i was easily able to be absorbed and didn't care how it happened or why ~ i just enjoyed that it did. However, that being said, the first question peter asked when I told him that it was about a man that traveled through time to visit his wife was...how's he do it?

4. Henry's life is disrupted on multiple levels by spontaneous time travel. How does his career as a librarian offset his tumultuous disappearances? Why does that job appeal to Henry?

5. Henry and Clare know each other for years before they fall in love as adults. How does Clare cope with the knowledge that at a young age she knows that Henry is the man she will eventually marry?

6. The Time Traveler's Wife is ultimately an enduring love story. What trials and tribulations do Henry and Clare face that are the same as or different from other "normal" relationships?

7. How does their desire for a child affect their relationship?

8. The book is told from both Henry and Clare's perspectives. What does this add to the story?

9. Do you think the ending of the novel is satisfactory?

10. Though history there have been dozens of mediums used for time travel in literature. Please cite examples and compare The Time Traveler's Wife to the ones with which you are familiar.

oddness

So the last of my grandparents just passed away last week. Apparently it happened last Monday night in her sleep. I didn't go home for the funeral, but my man and I did celebrate Grandma Minnie in our own little way. I made Albanian cheese pies and we drank ouzo. However I'm writing to share the oddness which surrounds my family and death.

A few years ago I had the most bizarre and beautiful dream. I dreamt that my maternal grandmother (Grandma Betty) who had passed a few years ago, asked me to speak with my paternal grandmother (Grandma Lois), currently living with Alzheimer's. Of course I say ok and proceed down this hallway. At the end, I opened a door to the sun-room of my family's club. It was her favorite room in the world. (Every Easter she would prefer to eat in there rather than the ballroom and if tables weren't set up, she would just sit and feel beautiful in the warm sunlight, while we all ran around chasing Easter eggs.) We chatted for what in dream-world felt like hours. I told her how much fun it was living in DC. What motorcades were like, the non-profit work I did, about my roommate, the new man I met and loved, his children, etc. EVERYTHING. (She's been in a home for years and sadly, after a particularly painful visit, I never returned. ) Finally she kissed me on the cheek and said good night. I got up and walked away - back out of the sunroom and down the dark hall. As I was leaving I woke up with tears. Quasi happy cathartic tears. I woke up Peter and tell him about my dream. I particularlly remember saying - its almost like I said goodbye to her. He tells me that sweet - pats me on the head, and we go back to sleep.

The next morning around 10 am, I receive a call from my mother telling me that my grandmother passed away last night in her sleep.


That’s probably my favorite my-granparents-are-still-there story. But due to recent events a smaller, but equally impacting event happened.

Last week I was in San Diego on business. On Monday I had a late/late lunch with some co-workers. We had made a special trip to the Hotel Del on Coronado Island. Somewhere towards the end of the meal I made an odd comment about how I had this overwhelming feeling that my father or grandfather was going to come up from behind me and rest his hand on my shoulder. I don't know why, but I almost felt as it had already happened. Somehow within seconds I felt cold, hot, then calmed. It was if someone had told me it was all going to be ok. But I was beyond fine and having a great time in San Diego, so I didn't get it.

Since returning from San Diego, I have had to deal my step-grandmothers passing, problems with my man and his past, my kitty getting a hysterectomy by a butcher and too much at work for one person to deal with.

Oh to behold the knowledge of life, before you have to experience its pains!

me & my kitty

can we say codependent.

I've never been much of a pet person. I grew up with a pet bunny for heaven’s sake. And if anything ~ I'd be a dog fan. Cats are just for old single women, and gay men. Well take your pick, cause i now have a cat and LOVE HER!

However as the days go by I take note in our annoying similarities.

Like her, I used to run wild. I was always on the go without a care in the world. I was an independent lady going where i wanted, when i wanted.

Today however - like my cat and we prefer sitting, no laying, on our backs watching tv while snuggling with the ones we love. The second this loved one thinks of doing anything that doesn't involve us, we panic! Meeeoooooooowwwww -- I WANT ATTENTION! I NEED YOUR LOVE!

What happened to us Willoughby???

in the beginning

In an attempt to join the masses, satiate my need for attention and fill wasted time...I blog.

In the beginning there was this girl.

She was cute enough, smart enough and gosh darn-it, people liked her.

She grew up with the best divoreced parents one could ever ask for. From her mother, et al. she received a caring and loving upbringing. And from her father, et al. she recieved great manners, the ability to carry on a conversation with a wall and a great education.

This girl grows up and meets a man. Not just any man, but THE man. See when she was 12 she made this list. She wanted her future husband to be:
-dark
-blue eyed
-tall
-well built
-patriotic
-lover of the outdoors
-religious (though not painfully so)
-and the list goes on

Damn if this girl didn't get everything on this list (aside from tall) BUT OH the things she didn't think of!!!

Well this blog is an attempt to put my thoughts in order. Let you in on the insanity that is my every day. Judge for yourself if I am truely a spoiled brat, or part human being.

Though be prepared to keep any and all negative comments to yourself.