Wednesday, October 03, 2007

ahhh reflections

Last night I enjoyed a fantastic night dinner out with friends. Somehow Giuliane knew that this was a fancy restaurant and was on her beeeeeeest behavior, as there was hardly a peep heard from her all night! However for what – the second time this year – this post isn’t about her.

There’s something about fall weather that just reminds me of college and behaving badly. Bonfires and piles of leaves, spiced and spiked cider and Icehouse on tap. All day – everyday. Only to be replaced by loud thumping music and lots and lots of dancing at the end of the night. Ohh to be able to just have a taste of the freedom of those days again.

Fast forward to last night. Our table of four (and a half) was sitting next to a date-night table of two. The girl was over-dressed, over loud, had over imbibed, and most importantly soooo over the guy she was with. Course that’s presuming she was ever into him in the first place. But don’t hate ~ a girl’s gotta eat.

That was my phrase in my lower 20s. If someone asked me out and was remotely a passable date…why say no? ‘A girls gotta eat.’ And that was my life. I made enough at a non-profit to pay my bills and look uptown trendy. It was others responsibility to keep me well fed and the drinks coming. As I looked at this girl at the table next to mine I thought. GAWD ~ was I ever really this shallow, so transparent, so obvious, sooo obnoxious? Sadly, we all know the answer to this is a resounding YES!

For a second I felt ashamed, maybe even a little guilt. But as I looked at my husband beside me and took a quick glance at the happy baby on the floor beneath me ~ I no longer cared. I was who I was and its who led me to be who I am today.


Always have always will. That girl 10 years ago was very obnoxious, but she was fun and she loved life. This girl in her upper 20s might not be as ‘fun’ on the outside, but on the inside she couldn’t love her life any more.

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